Thinking

It's been no secret to anyone that I have been having a really rough time lately.  As annoying as I am to the people around me, please understand that I am just as annoyed.  It is so frustrating that I keep falling deeper and deeper into this hole and I can't pull myself out.  I've had some amazing people in my life lately but I can't even imagine how in the world they put up with me, seriously.  You know, I've had so many friendships get screwed up that I can't deal with going through that again; and I can promise you almost every one of those I have somehow screwed up.  So I've been trying to find ways to relearn how to hide everything again so people don't have to deal with me.  I haven't been doing well with it yet, but I keep trying.  Soon I will be able to answer "Great" with a smile every time someone asks me how I am.  Soon I will be able to say "nothing" when I'm asked if there's anything wrong.  Soon no one but me will know what's going on.  Already only one person has any insight to what's going on, and even he doesn't know about half of it.  I try to spend a lot of my time doing things for everyone else and not a lot on me, and that will be increasing even more.  It scares me that people know what's going on with me.  I'm too afraid of getting hurt again.


On to other subjects-

Sent in my down payment for the next semester, which means I'll be starting it next week.  I'm hoping to get it down much faster than I did last semester.  I'll be taking 5 classes again this semester-
Principles of Management
Business and Technical Writing
Managerial Accounting
Speech
Economics 1
Should be okay, I had trouble with my accounting class last semester, so we'll see what happens.  I'll have more time to work on school though so hopefully it'll just go better this time around. 

I get to go 35 hours straight before I get to sleep!  I'm working 11pm-7am tonight, picking up the Missionaries, church from 11-2 in the morning, probably some sort of meeting afterwards, dropping the Missionaries off, Break the Fast at 4pm, Missionary Open house at 7pm, then work again 11-7 Sunday night...holy freakin crap I'm going to die.  Sleep on Monday, FHE Monday night and then work again 11-7.  Tomorrow (Today) will be interesting...I'm sure I will have things thrown at me when I start snoring during church haha

I got to get out of work for a couple of minutes this evening.  Our fax machine is broken so I had to walk over some paperwork.  Nice fresh air while I'm stuck inside.

Still not getting anywhere with my ancestors on my Dad's side of the family.  It is extremely frustrating.  I want to let it go but I feel like since it's this difficult to find information, that maybe there's some crazy story there, so now I wanna keep looking. 

I'm gonna be babysitting soon for a family I met a couple of weeks ago.  They have 2 kids, a 2 year old and 6 year old. I'll just be watching the 6 year old a couple hours a week, and then probably some occasional nights when I'm needed.  I've been in contact with a couple other people who are looking for occasional sitters, just so I can make a little extra money.  I'm also thinking of looking for a 2nd job to add some more hours to my week.  I LOVE my job and I'm so happy where I am, but something I tend to do when I hit certain low points is trying to overwork myself, especially if I'm not talking to people, plus I need more money and I knew that when I took the job at the hotel it would only be 2-3 nights a week.  So I'm looking for something easy a couple more days a week.  Then I'll have church callings, babysitting, school, hotel, and the 2nd job if it happens.  It shall be interesting.